Hancock: Earth's Mightiest Asshole

[daichu]

After seeing the footage of the Hulk, Steve thought he'd be a little more prepared for the next set of videos. "So what's this guy's story?" he asks Coulson, as the man in the video effortlessly flings a beached whale back towards the ocean.

"Hancock," Coulson replies with a touch of exapseration, as the whale makes a long, sad noise and lands on a ship. "He's..." Coulson thinks for a second, and more video plays. This is from a road camera - a man flips a car over backwards, and seconds later, a train crashes into him. "He's a little rough around the edges, but we have an agent working with him, and he's making a lot of progress."

The video ends with Hancock stepping out of the train wreckage. "If he can fly, why didn't he just go up with the car?" Steve muses. Coulson shrugs.

---

There are a lot of unusual orders that can and will come up in an organization like SHIELD, but an order like "if you see this woman, lead her directly to Director Fury and do not attempt to stop her" is probably high in the rankings. Of course, when Mary Embrey comes calling, there's no one who could stop her if they wanted to, so Fury wanted to keep things as minimally destructive as possible.

"Mrs. Embrey," he greets as she enters, rising from his desk. "I've been expecting you."

"What the hell are you doing?" Mary snaps. "Ray isn't a spy, he's a PR guy! What does SHIELD want with him?!"

"SHIELD needs PR guys too," Fury answers simply.

"Ray works for charities, for companies that want to make the world a better place-"

"Which he can do with SHIELD," Fury interrupts. "We're not just spies, Mrs Embrey, and making the world a better place is why we're here."

Mary scowls, looking down at the desk. "If this is a set up to make me join SHIELD..." She looks back up, and Fury can feel the atmosphere in the room changing as she glares an unspoken threat.

"No - I heard you the first time." Fury takes a seat and gestures to the chair across from him. Mary doesn't take it.

"I'm not going to try and force you to do anything," he continues. "I am going to make sure your new husband - congratulations, by the way - has a stable career with excellent benefits to support you and your new son. He may have to travel a little, but we can keep that to a minimum, especially while you're still caring for a little one."

"How generous."

[TO BE CONTINUED???]

---

The path to his next destination is riddled with aliens, and Steve can only punch, throw, and shield-smash so many at a time. He's reluctant to do much shield-throwing - with their numbers and guns, giving them that kind of opening at the wrong moment would probably be fatal. It's slow going, slower still on foot through the car-filled streets. A flying kick here, a shield in an armored face there-

Something very fast flies by, taking a line of aliens with it in a blast of wind and a crunching noise. Steve takes the second of distraction to dispatch the last couple of aliens, and the thing comes back, looping around the buildings. It slows, and a man in a tight suit lands awkwardly with a few running steps. They eye each other for a second.

"Hancock?" Steve asks, though it's more statement than question, recognizing him from the SHIELD footage.

Hancock looks Steve up and down. "And I thought my tights were goofy lookin'," he says slowly. "What'chu got?"

Ignoring the comment on his costume, Steve points out the portal. "They're all coming from that portal." He goes on, pointing out everything he can. "There's soldiers armed with some kind of staff that shoots energy blasts, on foot and riding those flying vehicles. Then there's the big turtle looking creatures, they're basically flying bulldozers. I have someone trying to shut down whatever's generating the portal from the top of Stark tower." Basics covered, Steve turns back to Hancock. "We just need to keep knocking them down until we can stop them for good. Can you handle that?"

Nodding, Hancock says "Yeah, I can handle that," and backs up to take off. Steve starts to head off as well, until he hears "Oh, uh..." and turns back inquisitively.

Hancock struggles for a second. "Good job." Steve stares back, bemused. "Good job," Hancock repeats, more firmly.

A little stunned, Steve nods and replies "Save it for when we finish this." Hancock nods and makes a non-verbal grunt of agreement, before leaping into the air, sending himself directly through some of the flying Chitauri.

***

Hancock doesn't stay for long after the fight is over. He meets with his 'teammates', intending to simply acknowledge them and say "good job", then go. One of them gives him pause, though.

"I know of you - I had thought your people long dead," Thor marvels with a wide grin.

Hancock eyes Thor suspiciously. "I ain't got people. There's just me."

Thor's expression turns consolatory. "Then I am glad to have had the honor of fighting beside you." He puts a hand on Hancock's shoulder. "I'm sorry you are the last." [???????]

Hancock doesn't know how to respond. He awkwardly accepts the condolences, and making the excuse of a long flight, heads back towards Los Angeles.